Now when it comes to sortin', I put a lotta thought in
Cause I'm more than just a thinking cap
When your head needs stuffin', I'm a magical McGuffin
And I'm pretty fly at rhyme and rap

If you're a true-born leader or a real bottom-feeder
I can tell where your future is
So listen to my story, I can line you up for glory
If you wanna be a witch or wiz - like thiz!

I started hangin' down in Hogwarts School
In the days of the Founders Four
When they founded this college to pass on all their knowledge
In a way no one had before

But they all had a stance on who should get a chance
To be tutored, and it caused an affray
So to make the best division, they all came to a decision
And they taught me how to sort this way

CHORUS:
(They taught me to)
Sort this way, sort this way
Sort this way, sort this way
(They taught me to)
Sort this way, sort this way
Sort this way, sort this way
So I do it like this

Now there was sweet Rowena, well man you shoulda seen her
They called her Missy Ravenclaw
You can bet your sweet patootie that the chick could shake her booty
And her homies all had brains galore

And there was Slytherin Sal, a magician with ambition
That was deeper than a great abyss
He had to be surest that his posse were the purest
And he said it with a little hiss - like this!

Now my man Godric was the Gryffindor lion
Well, that dude sure be kickin' yo' butt
Just the bravest and the boldest were the reddest and the goldest
And were good enough to make the cut

But there was one cool dame liked them all the same
Helga Hufflepuff was ready to say
That as long as they were loyal and not afraid of toil
Then she'd take 'em when I sort this way

CHORUS:
(They taught me to)
Sort this way, sort this way
Sort this way, sort this way
(They taught me to)
Sort this way, sort this way
Sort this way, sort this way
So I do it like this!